The Quill

I measure a person’s success by the choices he or she makes. We have the luxury to respond to situations rather than to react. Most of our choices can reach beyond black
or white since we can shift our attention and contemplate another perspective.

I believe that choice leads to the survival of the most flexible. If we are able to look
at another perspective especially when we are discouraged or exasperated, we
can change our awareness and so our reality with one decision.

Here are three examples:

Deepak Chopra M.D. tells a story of when he was on a visit to the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in India. The yogi and students were working on a project that required funding.
One of the students asked the yogi, “Where is the money going to come from?”
The yogi replied, “From wherever it is at the moment.”

You arerunning late for a very important job interview, the little old lady in the car
in front of you insists on driving 25 miles an hour and all lanes are full. What is she doing driving around at rush hour?? Frothing at the mouth, smoke coming out of your ears, you have the steering wheel in a death grip… So, one choice is to pause and observe. What is going on around you? An egret flies past and you notice how soft the beautiful feathers are. You look at the car to your right and the driver has the coolest haircut. You make a mental note to try that style; it would look great on you. In the car to your left is the cutest puppy looking at you, wagging his tail. Aw…adorable. Oh well, can’t do much about being late, you’ll just have to apologize and do your best. Who knows? The lady in front may be an angel, keeping you from being in the accident up ahead. Your cell phone rings. It’s your future employer. “Good morning, I will be about 20 minutes late. When you arrive, make yourself at home, I will get there as soon as I can.”

I am a life coach and I choose to work only with my ideal clients, because I offer exactly
what they need. When I feel in sync with someone I am at my best and most creative. If I meet a person who needs coaching but is not my ideal client, I have a choice to take this client; or I can refer her to a competitor who I know would be the best fit for her and do a great job. Collaborating instead of competing is a choice that gives me an opportunity to form strategic alliances and make more people happy. How many choices do you have today?

Hello everyone, I have started a newsletter which I am combining here with my blog. I look forward to sharing tips and lessons I have learned and will learn in this way.

1983  I had visited Jim in Virginia and as I was driving down a state road with him and two friends, I had the feeling I should slow down. I did so and Patti asked why I was putting on the breaks. As we rounded a corner there was a dog in the middle of the road. I stopped and got out to chase him off the road. When I got back into the car, our friends were quite impressed and asked how I knew to slow down. I explained in detail how I had followed my intuition and went on about it. I noticed Jim giving me a rather perplexed look.

Later on I asked him. “What was the look about?” “Too much information…” He replied. “What do you mean?” I asked. “You give away so much, you lose your mystery. They were
impressed. All you had to say was ‘I knew I had to slow down’,” he said. “Aren’t you being a bit picky?” I asked. “If I were talking to someone else perhaps, but in your case no,” he replied. “What is that supposed to mean?” I protested. “You have a habit of explaining yourself. The other day when you were offered meat you declined saying that you are a vegetarian. You went on to explain why, for how long and gave a medical report. Why not just say ‘no thank you’? You’re not on trial.” “I don’t understand,” I said irritably.

“You don’t need to explain yourself and you don’t need a lawyer. You give up your
authority when you explain your actions. You give up your power. You have so much to share with people. Your knowledge is of great value. Why dilute it with excuses and justifications?” he said. I felt as if I had done something wrong. “I’m sorry Jim, I try to be friendly and warm to people,” I said. “Apologies are not necessary; you’re giving up
your power again,” he said. “You’re not going to cut me any slack are you?” I asked. “Of course not, you’re a warrior, you need to be impeccable,” he smiled.
From On the Wings of Hibou, Chapter 11.

Lesson 1: If you solve the mystery for them, they lose interest. I
have always been a teacher, starting out very young as a ski instructor. It is
my nature to try to give people as much information as I can. Jim taught me
that people can only absorb so much information in the moment. I tended to
ramble on and add bits here and there, explain everything. Now I understand and
give clients the important parts and let them process the information
themselves. I can trust them to connect the dots.

Lesson 2: Our presence is often more important than our words.
When we are quiet we can listen, observe people’s body language and feel what
is going on beneath the surface. Just being there can comfort a person. There
are times to talk and times to listen.

Lesson 3: You don’t need a lawyer! Jim used to catch me defending
myself and whisper that to me. It was a great reminder. I put it on a note and
stuck it to the bathroom mirror until I got it. It took me a long time to “get”
these lessons. When I did, I had much more confidence and began learn that my
authentic self is my powerful self. What a relief!

I love whodunits, especially Agatha Christie ones, but I find the greatest mystery is all around me. It moves as I breathe, it chases my shadow; it beckons with the wind and dances with the fire. I find its clues in spontaneity, compassion, humor and chocolate! It eludes me and haunts me: it rises with the waves and makes faces in the clouds. It is everything and it is nothing. I never tire of its whispers, or of its shapes. I wish for you a mysterious day filled with clues that tickle your mind and ignite your beautiful, adventurous spirit! Raven

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“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain

I love this quote. Anger, resentment and feelings of revenge take so much time and energy away from the person expressing them. Think about it. How many times have you been walking up the street and realised that you spent the last 20 minutes making a case against someone? So, you say to yourself, “Enough with this, I am getting tired.” Then you continue on your way thinking about something else. 30 minutes later, you are rehashing your points and making the same case again. Sound familiar? I have certainly done it many times.

However, one day I discovered that I didn’t want to put my attention on it anymore. In fact, I was getting bored with myself! It’s a waste of intention units and all we are really doing is giving up our power to the person we are angry at. That is a sobering thought. I would rather put my energy and intention into something positive and powerful!

Namaste, Raven

When I think of attachment in terms of not wanting to let go, I think of it as a recipe for disappointment. Say you meet someone and you are fascinated with this person. If you want them to behave in a certain way, which you believe ought to reflect what you see in this person, you are already doomed!

How is that? We project our desires onto others often before really getting to know them. When we expect someone to act as we wish and hope that they will change any annoying characteristics that we are not thrilled with, we are in trouble. First, the person will probably not change as we wish. Or he/she will change to please us and then at some point, get real and resent giving up power. Second; and this is even more important in my view: when we look for the qualities we insist on having in someone, we miss out on who this person really is!! All the beauty and uniqueness of this soul is waived away, or worse never seen because we are blinded by expectations.

It’s a trap so many of us fall into. It takes trust, courage, patience and unconditional love to allow ourselves and others to be authentic. There is so much inside each of us waiting to be explored and appreciated. If your partner is not the right person for you, let go. Otherwise this person is blocking traffic and unhappy because he/she knows something is not right. If you know deep inside of you that this person is meant to be with you, let go of your expectations. Give yourself the gift of discovering the unique beauty before you.

 Letting go and trusting allows you to be in the right place at the right time, living your life and being in the moment. Then the right partners, friends, colleagues and ideas will find you. That is indeed a gift! If you act in a way that is right for you, then everything else will fall into place. Transition may take time and may take you out of your comfort zone. You may not feel safe. However, when you take the first step through the door of acceptance, your life will become much more effortless. Much love to all, Raven

I feel compelled to write about courage today. I recently wrote about courage on Facebook, but people are telling me that they want to hear more. I know many people who are discouraged at this time. Whether it is their health, money, relationship, direction, spiritual path or something else, they are overwhelmed and even in despair. These are people who live in America and have freedom. It makes one wonder how the people in war torn countries who are fighting for personal freedom and liberty are feeling.

Thing important point here is that they are part of us. It’s not about us and them, there is only us. So on a collective level, their burdens are our burdens and vice versa. You might say that you have enough problems without worrying about the people in Libya or in Tibet. True, we have to work on ourselves first and then we are better equipped to help others. However, we have one big thing in common: CHANGE. Change is not going away. I try not to think of change as good or bad, but rather as an opportunity to upgrade some level of my life. Change can bring about a tremendous transformation and a leap forward.

So how do you translate losing your house, working for the boss from hell, less time for your most important relationship and so on, into transformation and moving forward? First, you have to accept that where you are, is where you are supposed to be at this moment. Acceptance brings peace of mind and peace of mind opens up the gates of flow in your life. Where there is flow, there is movement. Is it difficult? Probably. Staying in your comfort zone is just that: staying–non movement. The sooner you accept things as they are, the sooner you can recognize what needs to change and get working on it.

As we head toward the “big year”: 2012, we must embrace ourselves and others fully, forgive ourselves and others, be in the flow of information, compassion, creativity and empathy. Our world is going through changes of vast proportions and if we want to ride the waves of change and arrive at a new horizon collectively at peace, eager to see what humanity is really capable of, then the time is now to look at our lives from a creative perspective and ask courage to be our friend. Time has a way of shrinking or expanding depending on how you view the present moment. The present moment has all the power of the universe in it; all there for us to tap into. Change your posture, shift your perspective. What are you being shown? Follow the thread. I think the rewards will be well worth the effort.